The Public Confession of the Sins of Jared Joshua Livesey

 The Public Confession of the Sins of Jared Joshua Livesey

Behold, he that has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more. By this you may know if a man repents of his sins: behold, he will confess them and forsake them. - T&C 45:9

This list may not be complete because my memory's not what it used to be.  Maybe it doesn't matter for my purpose to be exacting.  There will be enough here to get the point.   This list is not in order.  I may add to it from time to time.

• I feel that I stole candy from supermarkets when young.  I feel that it was maybe once or twice.  I don't recall a specific instance. 
• I lied to my parents about being followed home by a van while a child.  They called the cops and I lied to the cops, keeping up the story.
• I lied about peeing on my brother during a bath.
• I learned from a sex education manual from the Cal State University Bakersfield (CSUB) library at about the age of 12 how to masturbate.  The book had helpful photos to metaphorically fuel the fire.  I started masturbating quite frequently using material out of the CSUB library, ofttimes tearing photos or whatnot from the books for use to stoke my lust and shoving the books into the restroom stall wall, where there was a pipe access door about head high that sometimes I could retrieve material from.  I also stole pornographic magazines from their bookstore and masturbated to those.  I also stole pornographic magazines from other stores.  Eventually the sysnet / bbs / internet pornography delivery system became efficient enough for me to be able to download photos at home, which made it unecessary to steal so much pornography.
• I masturbated at almost every opportunity whether in school or at home.
• At the age of 14, I decided to become an atheist.
• At 15 I and the eldest of my sisters, who was 9, skinny-dipped at a local athletic club jacuzzi.  I brushed the surface of her vulva extremely momentarily with the tip of a finger consenually and gratified my lust with the pressure of the water jet.
• At 15 or 16 I attempted to molest the daughter of a family friend after watching a video of a woman giving birth at their house when everyone else was asleep.  I snuck into her room and attempted to touch her privates while she was asleep lying on her stomach wearing shorts.  She woke up and said "What are you doing in here, Jared?"  I said I was trying to find the bathroom.
• I stole many of my father's 1976 quarters he was collecting and spent them at a local arcade, a few at a time.
• At some point, I stole a $100 bill from a church friend's brother's wallet and hid the wallet under the microwave.  He confronted me eventually about the theft and I lied.
• I molested the family dog by inserting the tip of a finger into her vagina and masturbating with my other hand.
• I had sex with a woman on an LDS church lawn just to thumb my nose at a God I allegedly did not believe existed.
• I had sex with my underage girlfriend after I graduated high school.  I tried to kill myself after my she dumped me.  
• I tried to seduce one of the women in the behavioral recovery program afterward.
• I also smoked a lot of marijana over some years, and did other drugs such as crack, and LSD, and drank while also underage, to excess.
• I introduced my brother to marijuana.
• I started striking my brother every time he did the least thing to irritate or anger me.
• I exposed myself to other friends during a sleepover.
• I told dirty stories at night to fellow scouts at scout camp, focusing on the sister of one of those there, gratifying my lust afterward.
• I've toilet papered others' homes, at least participating with a group.
• I have driven drunk several times, at least once with my second wife and kids in the car.  I have also driven while high on marijuana at least once.
• I dated a woman and discovered a stash of meth in a drawer after having sex.  I stole it an consumed it and lied to her when she discovered it was missing.
• I had sex with a woman while I was high on crack.
• I tried homosexual contact but not to my insertion nor gratification.  I allowed myself to be talked into trying it again after smoking crack, allowing the other to insert me into him. 
• I bought pornography and masturbated while high on crack.
• I started smoking cigarettes after my grandmother died of lung cancer due to smoking.
• I touched and suckled the breasts of a woman I was briefly dating and permitted her to touch me outside of my underwear to gratification.
• I married an innocent and virtuous woman I did not love and humbled her.  Through no fault of hers I grew to loathe her presence and I was cold and distant and barely civil to her, if that.  I retreated into the world of video games to avoid her and devoted my time to them instead.  While married to her, towards the end, I looked at pornography in the local college computer lab with intent to lust after what I saw.  Some of it was bestiality-based.  I also looked at pornography at home on the computer.
• I masturbated compulsively after my first wife ejected me.  I even inserted an object into myself to increase my pleasure.
• I cheated on a couple assignments in my Java programming classes.  My computer science degree is to that degree fraudulent.
• I tried to look at my second wife's cervix, treating her as a piece of meat and thus dishonoring her.
• I have treated my second wife's opinions and feelings with contempt at times.
• I have recalled things from my vast library of mental porn while having sex with my second wife.  Sometimes I pursued these mental images to exite myself enough to become gratified.
• While alone and divorced, I tried to offend the unseen God, who may or may not exist, by masturbating, challenging him, if he existed, to destroy me.
• While alone and divorced, after the 10 talks, I would sometimes indulge myself on sacramental wine to excess, and, while drunk, do risky internet searches and sometimes gratify myself at times upon increasingly degrading porn found on these searches, including at times child pornography.
• Before I was married to my first wife, I would insert objects into myself of increasing size to increase my pleasure.  Sometimes I did that in my father's restroom while he was gone, to look at myself in the mirrors there.
• I have sucked myself off many times as a teen.
• I have had sex with many women I was not married to.
• I have had sex with a woman who was separated from her husband.
• I thought God (if he exists) had made a mistake in making my son and had put the spirit (if they exist) of an animal into a human body.  I struck my son on the head or ear by flicking my finger every time he did anything to assault or otherwise physically harm others while very young.  I kept this up until one time he hurt a girlfriend's child and then I flung him to the floor, turned him onto his stomach, and walloped him soundly.  When I turned him back over, I saw his nose was bleeding and he was screaming and crying at me.
• I spanked my daughter once.  I'm not sure why, and I seem to recall it was maybe pretextual because I felt like I had to do it to reassure myself that I wasn't simply picking on my son.
• I have lied, I am sure, many times by saying that I knew the LDS Church was true or that I knew other stuff.  See my first confession for the kinds of things I'm referring to.
• I devoted myself to video games for many years, both before and after my first divorce.  It started as a child with the Atari in the late '70s or early '80s and continued from there, more or less, until around 2012.  I spent much money and time on them.  I returned to these idols in 2018 or 2019 briefly, seeking stimulation and non-sexual gratification and to distract myself.
• I have burned many hours of life watching movies and tv shows and listening to music.
• I used risky internet searches of things I knew were near unto sexual searches to provide thrills to my heart by approaching sin.  If I turned away if something came up, I considered myself to have "won."  Sometimes, I did not turn away, but kept going down the search path, and gratified myself.  I considered myself to have "lost" then.
• I texted two or three times while driving today on company business, violating company policy and the law.  I do this commonly.
• I adjusted the map app on the work iPad 5 or more times while driving today on company business, violating company policy and the law.  I do this commonly.
• I texted a customer yesterday to reschedule an appointment without written authorization from the customer, violating the marketing / do not call policy.  I do this commonly.
• I have called customers to confirm or reschedule appointments not through Gryphon, violating the marketing / do not call policy.
• I have in the past contacted customers on the internal or federal do not call list in violation of the marketing / do not call policy.
• I have in the past billed the company the full $70 per month cell phone reimbursement, while my actual bill was at the time around $40 per month, violating the T&E policy for several years.
• I recall that I have violated the sales pay plan and transaction policies several times by: altering a company set appointment to appear to be a self-gen appointment by selling to another customer than the appointment was set with; I have re-sold active sites to relatives, other household members, relatives or friends living off-site, and gotten SGL pay for those; I have resold active sites of deceased customers to relatives without marking the sale down to CNV.  I can't locate the records of these sales, but they occurred, and I pocketed the pay.
• I used bluetooth devices on the work iPad, violating the then-current IT policies.
• I have disclosed the PIC to customers only requiring the recitation of the first emergency contact and related phone number, I believe violating some policy I don't know about - I have done that several times.
• I have given more detailed PIC hints than just "it's a bunch of number" or "it's a bunch of letters" or "it's a mix of numbers and letters."
• I have recently skipped requiring PIC for at least one customer to cancel another account.
• During 2014-2016, I occasionally looked up pornography on the work iPad, including possibly illegal content, violating the IT Acceptable Use policy.
• During previous IT Acceptable Use policies, I at times accessed a web-based personal email account, thus violating policy.
• I have at times lied to customers.
• I have seemingly permanently offended a coworker by showing off what I supposed was my superior wisdom by asking questions that irritated her perpetually.
• I have spoken much evil of my coworkers and managers over the years and have thought evil against them in my heart.
• I have thought much evil in my heart towards others.
• I have spoken in my house much evil of my first wife in front of my children.
• I have spoken in my house much evil of my brethren, particularly after 2018.  I'm sure I've done it of others as well.
• I have pirated (stolen) movies, video games, music, and books.  I have also used questionable providers to buy entertainment products, who I suspected were selling stolen wares.
• I abused my students in some of my middle-school classes by making them march outside, and in circles, in consequence of being unable to control the room.
• I did not always look away from pubescent teen females in my classes.
• I drank sacramental wine to excess during the recent Men's Retreat.  Indeed, I have overindulged in sacramental wine a bunch of times.
• I engaged in much racist and worldly thought in my heart after 2020, and said much of it.  I wanted very much to answer certain perceived injustices through violence and murder to create blood and horror on the earth to effect my will upon others.
• I forced my unwilling daughter to listen to my political opinions a few times.
• I sought to get my unwilling daughter to try foods she didn't want to try.  I did that to my son, too.
• I have thought many times that I was better than my brethren and sistren because I considered myself to know so much more than them.
• I have imposed my so-called "greater" "light" upon my unwilling wife at times.
• I have cut people off and overrode them and stomped them down in conversation because I considered my point or whatever to be ever so much more important, right, true, relevant, or informative, than their point.
• I have mortally offended my wife by doing this.
• I have gone 100+ in a 55 zone multiple times, showing reckless disregard for the safety and well-being of other innocents.
• I have commonly violated stop signs, stop lights, solid painted lines, perform illegal u-turns, run red lights, run stop signs, too many times to count.
• I have used my phone many times to text, change music, or look stuff up, and other uses such as mapping, while driving.